Any relationship will always have its highs and lows, its laughter and its sadness. It is a constantly changing dynamic involving people who are also changing as they get older. Most people expect there to be a few bumps in the road, but it is when those bumps become seemingly insurmountable hurdles that real relationship problems can set in.
Every relationship is different, but there are a number of common issues which arise. These are:
- Lack of communication
- The running of the house
Listed below are some ideas on how to help solve these issues. However, if you find yourself in a relationship with problems and are unable to resolve the difficulties by yourselves, you might wish to seek counselling. A counsellor will help to get both people talking about the relationship problems in a neutral environment which can be productive in itself.
Lack of Communication
A lack of communication can be at the root of not only relationship problems, but also problems at work and in other areas. It is important for couples to make time together, and that means turning off the mobile phone, ignoring Facebook and switching off the TV once in a while! Talk things through, but at the same time listen to what is being said. Try to avoid arguing and raising both the volume and the pitch of your voices, but instead just simply converse.
Many couples will go through patches in their relationship where sex becomes an issue for one reason or another. It can at the same time be a way of couples becoming closer. Try to make time for one another, and listen to your partner’s wants and needs. Express your own desires but be careful not to make demands. If the problems with sex go a little deeper, then perhaps it is advisable to visit a sex therapist who may be able to be of some help.
Given the current uncertainty over the economic climate, concerns over money manifest themselves into relationship problems like never before. The key things involved when discussing money, are to be honest with one another about your financial situation, not to appoint blame, and instead work together towards a solution. Some relationships consist of a ‘saver’ and a ‘spender’, and this can be a source of arguments. Try instead planning the household budget together, and then separating some money to be spent individually. If one person wants to save and the other wants to spend, so be it!
Kids can play a part in relationship problems for many reasons. Even the discussion of having them in the first place can be a test for some relationships! They can be a source of much pride and joy, but can also be the focus of so much energy that little is left over for the relationship with a partner itself. This in turn may lead to tiredness and frustration which can be sometimes taken out on the kids with raised voices and sometimes worse where it is not at all warranted. Try to make time to be together with your partner away from the kids occasionally.
The running of the house
How and who runs the house can be a source of discontent and arguments within a relationship. The fifties are long gone, and it is no longer the woman’s job to run the home! Responsibilities are best shared – if not equally, at least to where people’s strengths may lay. If you feel that one person is doing more or less than their fair share, then talk about it, don’t shout about it.
Issues over trust often appear in a relationship, especially where a partner works in a close environment with colleagues seen as a threat by the other partner, or where one person perhaps has many nights out or nights away. Solving issues over trust is a complicated matter, but can often be resolved by simply talking things through. If a partner has had an affair and you still wish to continue the relationship, then it might be advisable to see a counsellor together.
In this difficult circumstances, you may find that talking with a qualified Counsellor who can support you all the way can be very useful. I am a Counsellor working from London Waterloo and London King’s Cross.
If you think that Counselling would be something useful for you, you can book an introductory counselling in Waterloo, Kennington or Lambeth. You can also use the contact form to ask me any question. I always aim to reply by email within 24 hours from initial enquiry .